Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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