Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
never play flip cup with pint glasses
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
