is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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