i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
