I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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