we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize