What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
