I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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