Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
