I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
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At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
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SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
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