He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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