I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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