Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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