he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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