just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Farmville is her only friend.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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