How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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