Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Enjoy the penises
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
