We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
