Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
