They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I met the friendliest cop last night
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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