So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
