You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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