wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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