I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
