I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
