I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
