Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
