Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
