Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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