Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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