I think I won the penis lottery.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
