Me. At least after what I've been through.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
