No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
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