Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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