Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
