Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
