so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
