I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
