puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize