his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
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