You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
