He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
NoShamevember. You game?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
