i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
