well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
