I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
