Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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