who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
