I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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