Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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