I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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