btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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