I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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