4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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