He disabled his match.com account in front of me
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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