If i come over, it means nothing
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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