OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
