Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
