my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
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