i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
