So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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