When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize