i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
