I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
