wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
