Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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