We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
