I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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